Creativity Coaching: Caught!

October 19, 2010 § 9 Comments

My coach-in-training is doing a damn good job – he caught me skirting an important issue. That’s what good coaches do (I should know, I am one. I coach managers and leaders in my workplace.) So I”m back to facing that pit, the one I want to avoid.

 Hi, ________,

Well, you caught me. After reading your email, I realized that I had run around full circle back to where I had started. I’ve been comfortable being a dabbler and have no problem with it. And it does feel good to return to that place. But I also swerved right around the core issue of my confidence, which you brought me back to.

I don’t know how much of my procrastination and lack of focus is related to this lack. I do know that I procrastinate on everything, so that’s real. But have I given up on my goal of being published because I’m not confident in the quality of my work? I think partially yes. I faced this when I was in the theatre and acting. I was good, but I wasn’t great and I knew it. It was clear to me. And I didn’t want to pursue it – my passion wasn’t great enough – unless I could be excellent.

The more I have read other poets and learned how hard it is to be published, the less confident I feel about the quality of my writing. I don’t know how to judge it fairly, so I choose to not compete. If I could find a poetry group to help me, that would probably help. I’ve looked around, but not found anything yet. I admit I haven’t tried hard and haven’t visited any to check them out. Most of that is about my discomfort in trying new things, going new places, but also showing work is vulnerable. I have to gear up for critique.

I like living in a shell sometimes, but perhaps that’s getting in my way.

Pamela

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§ 9 Responses to Creativity Coaching: Caught!

  • I think, sometimes, you have borrowed my mind. I want to be truly good, not merely good, and yet, I don’t know how to judge my worth. If I am good, why am I not published? If I am no good at all, why can’t I see that? Either way, I get discouraged. I consider other ways to express my creativity. Still, I write.

  • 25BAR says:

    Keep the faith. It is very hard, the arts. You know.

  • You and your coach are doing a good job of really clearing away a space for you to take a good, honest look at the landscape and tackle some thought-provoking questions. What a growing experience this is going to be for you. And thank you for sharing the journey with us as your readers. No doubt we’re reading some of these questions that you’re asking yourself (or being asked), and then holding up a mirror and asking them of ourselves.

  • It is astonishing how similar we are. I’ve been struggling with these exact issues myself in regards to humor writing.

    What are we to do?

  • fwiw, your ability to expose yourself in this way underscores a strength of confidence most don’t possess. yes, showing one’s work, publishing one’s work does mean being judged but who are we doing it for, them or ourselves?

    why are we doing it is a much better question

    btw, like your new digs – very comfortable

  • G says:

    I also check out my local bookstore as well whenever I get into a small funk or a troublesome in my writing, or even if I just need a small interruption to my day.

  • M G Kizzia says:

    Try your local bookstore. Whenever I feel a confidence drop I check out what is being published and selling. So much of it is so mediocre I can’t help but feel good about my own work.

    -Michael
    The Fiction Side: The Storyteller http://mgkizzia.wordpress.com/
    The Non-Fiction Side: Word & Spirit http://michaelkizzia.wordpress.com/

    • That is an excellent idea, MG! I forget that there’s lots of poetry I don’t like. It’s odd how the mind can “forget” the opposing argument.

      Thanks. For the suggestion and for dropping by.

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