Creativity Coaching: Caught!
October 19, 2010 § 9 Comments
My coach-in-training is doing a damn good job – he caught me skirting an important issue. That’s what good coaches do (I should know, I am one. I coach managers and leaders in my workplace.) So I”m back to facing that pit, the one I want to avoid.
Well, you caught me. After reading your email, I realized that I had run around full circle back to where I had started. I’ve been comfortable being a dabbler and have no problem with it. And it does feel good to return to that place. But I also swerved right around the core issue of my confidence, which you brought me back to.
I don’t know how much of my procrastination and lack of focus is related to this lack. I do know that I procrastinate on everything, so that’s real. But have I given up on my goal of being published because I’m not confident in the quality of my work? I think partially yes. I faced this when I was in the theatre and acting. I was good, but I wasn’t great and I knew it. It was clear to me. And I didn’t want to pursue it – my passion wasn’t great enough – unless I could be excellent.
The more I have read other poets and learned how hard it is to be published, the less confident I feel about the quality of my writing. I don’t know how to judge it fairly, so I choose to not compete. If I could find a poetry group to help me, that would probably help. I’ve looked around, but not found anything yet. I admit I haven’t tried hard and haven’t visited any to check them out. Most of that is about my discomfort in trying new things, going new places, but also showing work is vulnerable. I have to gear up for critique.
I like living in a shell sometimes, but perhaps that’s getting in my way.