Creativity Coaching: Who Wrote That?

October 9, 2010 § Leave a comment

Do you recognise your own words after you write? I read mine as if I was a stranger.

November’s coming and I feel shaky and uncommitted.  I didn’t tell this to my coach – two minutes after I pressed send, my feelings morphed into some new fog that makes it hard to breathe.

Hi, _____,

The assignment was/is good and reminds me of what I know. It’s funny how I can forget what I know. I know that writing or any creative endeavor has to have intrinsic satisfaction. But I forget. And when I do, I question my own creativity. A friend me me recently that I show creativity in many areas outside of the arts. And I know this. But I want to be an artist.

Where have my meaningful experiences come from? From my other strength – making a difference in people’s lives. And that is often visible. Or they tell me and I believe them. I get lots of external validation and thanks for the support and learning I offer. Perhaps that’s why I naturally go there. It fits too because I wasn’t raised to trust my own sense of self; I was taught to do as others wanted me to. That’s why assignments work with me…and why they stop working after a time. I move into adolescent rebellion. (Yes, I’m beginning to resist the assignment. But I am still doing something related to writing every day and hope to resume it in the early mornings.)

My other connection with meaningful experiences is feeling a sense of oneness with the universe or nature or whatever it is at a given time. No separation. Sometimes when I write, it’s as if I’m channeling a voice I don’t know. And often when I reread my work, I can’t remember where it came from. Ha! I don’t recognize myself and feel unable to begin. That’s why I like poetry months – writing off prompts every day. It forces me to face that fear.

I can’t even tell if I answered your questions. But thanks for letting me write.

Pamela

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