Creativity Coaching – Name the Root
September 25, 2010 § Leave a comment
I think you understand the dilemma well. Thank you. I plan on writing a poem a day in November as I have for the past two years, and would like to have a theme. (Oops, I’m distracting myself off your difficult question about the deeper meaning behind my writing. I’ll refocus.)
I would like to tap into the deeper why, the importance to me of doing this. I know part of it is that I define myself as creative and that definition feels false if I’m not creating something – it doesn’t have to be writing. So if I’m not creating, I wonder if I’m lying to myself…Here’s a more accurate question: Am I still a creative if I lose the desire to create for long stretches of time? My head says the answer is yes, but my insecurity says no. If I could settle with that, I’d feel more comfortable. Another piece of the deeper meaning, now that I am finished working through my own angst is, what exactly do I have to offer? Is my perspective valuable? And who cares about it? As I write this, I think it links back into that nasty insecurity.
One last piece that I’m aware of is the public nature of my writing. If I didn’t have a blog, and only wrote privately, I wouldn’t feel so much like a failure for not wanting to write. (I can’t believe I wrote those words, but it’s how I feel right now.) So I need to resolve the pressure and stigma I’m placing on myself – the few readers I have left are unbelievable supportive and many share this struggle. But it doesn’t change how I feel. Yuck.