(Spoiler) About Your Future

August 7, 2010 § 9 Comments

About a year ago, I dated a big, bearded gut  guy (what a great Freudian typo – he was large there, too) with a great sense of humor. But during a party, he kept distracting me verbally and physically off of the topics I was engaged in. When I asked him about it, he said he was uncomfortable with “serious stuff.” That was our last date. His serious was my interesting and my acceptance was his denial. I had been talking about illness.

Here’s the spoiler: We’re all gonna die. And he couldn’t face it. Even talking about cancer, which the group was, caused him to panic. Now, I admit I’m scared. I’d like to stay around and I want to make sure my daughter and dogs are safe. But I know I can’t. So I’m doing the best I can to get there – the illusive there where I’m comfortable and secure about the inevitable.

Recently, I found two ways to explore the big D: I’ve become Facebook friends with DEATH. He has a big smiley face and tells lots of grim reaper jokes. He’s a cool guy and shares lots of comforting or at least philosophically relevant information.  And then there’s Dead Advice, a blog in which people write letters that begin “Now that I’m dead, I want to tell you a few things.” I want to write a letter, but it would be to my daughter and she would know it, so it’s best left unpublished. So, in its place, soon a poem will come. This weekend. Tomorrow.

If you were to write that letter, to whom would you write? And would you want it read before you died?


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§ 9 Responses to (Spoiler) About Your Future

  • tananarive says:

    in my younger incarnation, i chased, or at least, tried to seduce death…like anything that is pursued with an obsessive single- mindedness, he was illusive and very uncooperative. now that i’ve sort of put him on the “do not call list” (not even drunk or butt dialing:-))he’s seems more interested in me…just like a man, when you make yourself too available, he ain’t interested…

  • What if Death doesn’t accept my friendship? You know . . . ignores me. I don’t know if I could take the rejection.

  • stevemacc says:

    A friend of mine is terrified of the idea of dying, and admires me for being so calm about the thought of it; the truth is, of course, I can’t even begin to grasp the concept, how can I not be here and alive, for ever? Perhaps my life’s work, however much I have left, is to face up to death – not easy in a culture so immersed in the ephemeral.

    • “I can’t even begin to grasp the concept, how can I not be here and alive, for ever…” Steve, you said this perfectly. If I could grasp this idea, I might be at peace.

      Maybe living alone on a mountain would do it.

  • I would write it to the Editor of the New York Times and request that it would be an open letter. It would be an apology to the American people that I will not be able to serve them as President due to my demise. The letter would include the URL to my blog. I would ask that my platform be carried out in memory of me.

  • As usual, wonderful questions, Pamela.

    Each day I try to write that letter in everything I do. Some days are better than others.

    Once one has danced with death and survived, life – one’s own in particular – means so much more than before that encounter.

    No time like the present…

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