Sevenling (bitter berries)

2009 October 8

pyracantha-berries

In a desperate attempt to get back on my poetic mare, here’s a sevenling. Roddy Lumsden’s form has specific rules, including using threes and a surprise ending. 

 

 

 

Sevenling (bitter berries)

Grandmother chose six and all but one was lost;
Mother stopped at two; her Daughter followed close
behind, working hard for one, just one!

It’s said that “absence makes the heart grow fond,”
But they misunderstood the quote; it’s not absence, but
the family tree that seeds and blooms the   

 …bitter berries of divorce.

14 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 October 8

    I love coming here and learning about poetic forms.

    This is one that makes me feel I know what you’re saying, even if I don’t. I thought I knew in the first stanza, then wasn’t sure in the second, and then whap! didn’t see the end coming at all.

    But it doesn’t matter what you meant, I want to keep thinking about it.

  2. 2009 October 8

    Oh, thank you, Linda! That’s just what I wanted to happen – a twist at the end.

    Have I told you how much I appreciate your thoughtful comments?
    I do. :-)

    • 2009 October 9

      I can’t tell you how much that means to me, especially today. And are you writing out your last night’s dream?

      • 2009 October 9

        I’m glad. And I hadn’t thought about writing out the dream, but it’s a good idea. I’ll think on it.

  3. 2009 October 8
    seanfraser permalink

    I love this one on “seedlings” and yes the bitter berry at the end but it doesn’t stop you wanting to have more.

    • 2009 October 9

      Sean, I can’t disagree. Maybe I should have called it bitter-sweet, but I used that recently!

  4. 2009 October 9

    I think this was pretty cool. I really was surprised at the ending.

  5. 2009 October 9

    When you say that Grandmother lost all but one, do you mean lost in a Black Widow kind of way? That would make for a great book rather than a poem.

    (Note to self…don’t anger Pamela’s Grandma).

  6. 2009 October 9
    jason piercy permalink

    Bitter berries, you have to stop going for those bad boys, when you learn how let me know!!! Love Ya Great way to re-enter ~ Jason

  7. 2009 October 12

    Oooh the bitter taste this leaves in my mouth. So honest and true.

    • 2009 October 12

      Thank you, Colleen. And thank you for visiting – next time I hope the taste is sweeter. :-)

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