Sevenling (bitter berries)
October 8, 2009 § 17 Comments
In a desperate attempt to get back on my poetic mare, here’s a sevenling. Roddy Lumsden’s form has specific rules, including using threes and a surprise ending.
Sevenling (bitter berries)
Grandmother chose six and all but one was lost;
Mother stopped at two; her Daughter followed close
behind, working hard for one, just one!
It’s said that “absence makes the heart grow fond,”
But they misunderstood the quote; it’s not absence, but
the family tree that seeds and blooms the
…bitter berries of divorce.
How’s this for being late to the party? Someone else did a sevenling, what’s that?, so I googled and up popped your poem too. Very nice my friend. The parenting history is, as usual for you, so well stated, concise, even intense… but of course awaiting that final “blow” in ending too. (Although that first line was powerful all in itself!) (And a lovely play on the “counting” of course.)
You have such wonderful writing Pamela. If I say that seven times… would you believe? Does it matter? Just write!
I came by your site by looking at the berries. We have some that look similiar, a surprise for us. What a nice surprise to find poetry!
Do you have any other sevenlings? I may try one.
mc
Thank you for reading and commenting, Mary – especially when you were only looking for berries! For some reason, everyone is searching berries right now. Why?
This is the only sevenling I’ve written, but I’d love to read yours if you do one.
Oooh the bitter taste this leaves in my mouth. So honest and true.
Thank you, Colleen. And thank you for visiting – next time I hope the taste is sweeter. :-)
Bitter berries, you have to stop going for those bad boys, when you learn how let me know!!! Love Ya Great way to re-enter ~ Jason
Jason! So great to see you here…I sure will. ;-)
When you say that Grandmother lost all but one, do you mean lost in a Black Widow kind of way? That would make for a great book rather than a poem.
(Note to self…don’t anger Pamela’s Grandma).
You’re lucky, TL, and safe – she’s long gone.
I think this was pretty cool. I really was surprised at the ending.
Thank you, G! I’m happy about the surprize.
I love this one on “seedlings” and yes the bitter berry at the end but it doesn’t stop you wanting to have more.
Sean, I can’t disagree. Maybe I should have called it bitter-sweet, but I used that recently!
Oh, thank you, Linda! That’s just what I wanted to happen – a twist at the end.
Have I told you how much I appreciate your thoughtful comments?
I do. :-)
I can’t tell you how much that means to me, especially today. And are you writing out your last night’s dream?
I’m glad. And I hadn’t thought about writing out the dream, but it’s a good idea. I’ll think on it.
I love coming here and learning about poetic forms.
This is one that makes me feel I know what you’re saying, even if I don’t. I thought I knew in the first stanza, then wasn’t sure in the second, and then whap! didn’t see the end coming at all.
But it doesn’t matter what you meant, I want to keep thinking about it.