Egg Blue Sky
Second attempt at a form. This is a villanelle, with a rhyming and repeating structure. The prompt is “a landmark.”
(Rough, rough, rough. )
Through an insect-dusty window, I glimpse wings
with angled tips in muted shades
floating circles in the egg blue sky.
My impulse strong, brake pedals squeal and my vision brings…
but the image quickly fades –
with the dusty window down, I cannot see the wings.
A new thought rings –
was this hawk bringing sight mislaid (to me)
by spinning in the bright blue sky?
I swiftly pass the green road sign, and my heart ka-chings;
I see my lover’s bed unmade
by his dusty window. And I feel his wings –
they rock me in a cradle warm, with sweet-soft swings –
respite for this renegade;
I cycle in the deep night sky.
And as I drive – more gas right now! I lose my sting –
his bed, our love, my choice no longer staid:
In our gleaming window, we’ll have wings,
floating circles in the egg blue sky.
Writer’s Digest prompt April 5, 2009.
I am still catching up. Lots of history here.
Nice poem Pamela. You have a way of surprising my ear. I appreciate too, that you make me listen not the way I usually do.
And if you thought this a “rough rough rough” draft, did you ever yet return?
Thank you, Neil.
I need to review all this work too. I did spend a lot of time on this, but found it very awkward – still do. I just don’t have enough skill to smooth it out.
You have my respect. A villanelle is far beyond my ken! Brave soul you are. Suppose I’m just a poor old “primitive” and what I learn is simply from the poems I read, filtered as my ear does do. So be it.
I just reread again some of your other poems. My response remains, appreciative, whatever the form. And all I’d ask is simply – more. As however it pleases you. I have an abiding trust in expression, acknowledging too that we each listen and speak some differently – but there’s an opportunity worth finding too.
And frankly, leastwise spoken on a better day, I enjoy discovering the internal dialog that accompanies all the pseudo publishing of a blog. It brings all the vanities and doubts to arise within the process certainly. And yes of course, kindly words from those who read is sweet, yet my purpose includes more than only that – or it would indeed be a lonely troublesome life. I remember, I like, what someone once said to me, “even faith has doubts”, or use the word “includes” if that makes it more clear to hear. Even as one poem done, done in manner content to me, yet then hand in hand making it public comes this confounding sense of uncertainty! Is it any good at all? Amusing – at least on my better days! Stay with your purpose, the rest will follow as it will. That’s all I know or trust.
Next? Wisdom in that stance I’d suppose.
I appreciate all that you contribute here.